24 Hours. A slightly cryptic title I know. They say a lot can happen over the course of a day.
Highs. Lows. In-betweens.
But, to be honest I rarely get all that much variety happen to me in one little day. So to get a Positive Diagnosis, a Disappointment and a Confidence Boost all together is rare. I know that this feeling will be familiar to many people living with a chronic illness, where a day can be like an hour in terms of the time frame in which we have to enjoy something. A month shortened to a week. We cannot fit as much in and therefore less tends to happen to us in short spaces of time.
It’s funny because the outside world often assumes that we have all this ‘time’ because we do not work or perhaps we have less responsibilities. Yet a lack of energy equates to the very same thing as a lack of real time, and therefore we do not have the capacity to devote to activities as much as we desire. We need to rest. And that isn’t a choice either.
And so 24 hours can easily go by in a flash with little to attribute to it.
So for me to have 3 relatively big things happen (and not simply affecting me through events relating to people I am close to) it was a novel and new experience. For these 3 things to happen within the space of 24 hours was rather surreal. Especially as they all arrived through the medium of E-mail too.
As I reflect I feel almost a sense of the Divine at play. It’s hard to describe but a sense of peace has enveloped me and I feel that lessons are being offered up to me and I am being given the message that everything will work out.
Or perhaps I just have a tendency to put a mystical spin on things…… Hehe.
1. A Positive Diagnosis:
My first BIG piece of news: And this is MASSIVE. A total game changer potentially which I will elaborate on in more detail in another post.
*As a side note, when I first started this Blog I didn’t anticipate sharing too much personal stuff but I’ve also realised that sometimes it is necessary, and I have become a little more comfortable ( even though I am quite a private person) elaborating when it honestly stems from a place of wanting to help others.
If you know me, or have read my story, you will know that 18 years of very poor health with no real direction to a solution has been where I have sat. I have called it ME or Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. I have explained that it is related to Autoimmune Thyroid and Adrenal problems, but truthfully nothing quite fits the bill. Or comes close really. The symptoms I have are harsh and confusing. There is no baseline to build upon for me. Graded exercise would never work. This feels random, like all I can ever do, is paddle madly and consistently to stop myself drowning.
It shouldn’t be like this with all the healing work I do and I always knew that we were missing the vital clue to my condition.
To cut a long story short, I received my first positive viral test confirmation. I have ParvoVirus B19. You may find it bizare to hear that this was good news. What I and my specialist hoped for. Yet, if you are in a similar health position I know you will feel my joy without hesitation. To have a real concrete answer, in black and white is a HUGE relief! I cannot even tell you.
As I opened the email I honestly prepared myself for another inconclusive waste of money. As I read it my feelings turned to shock.
I always try to explain my symptoms to people by saying that
“It feels like I have the Flu everyday.”
How accurate. How ironic.
The MOST IMPORTANT element here though is not the ParvoVirus diagnosis itself (as this is a relatively common strain of flu which most of the population will have been exposed to and have build resistance against) but the very interesting fact that I tested negative for the IGM antibodies towards it. This means that I cannot fight the virus and that is has likely lived in me for 18 years since my initial over night Flu onset of this illness.
It has burrowed deep down and as is its particular pattern it has taken out my Endocrine system and caused a lot of further damage.
It means that all my own innate and deep healing efforts (and there are plenty) have probably been holding back the tide, preventing onset of additional diseases, and keeping me afloat, but little else. Still, they are incredibly worthwhile and I attribute them to where I am at present.
I fully support and believe in the Mind, Body & Soul approach but sometimes there is more going on which we need help with to stand a chance. Finding (or getting clearer on) a Root Cause seems key.
Mixed emotions here. Questions I could fall prey to and anger I could succumb to.
Why wasn’t this ever tested before?
However, at this point none of that matters to me. All I feel is massive shock, a boost in self-belief and incredible hope. I also admit to there being a glimmer of relief that I can now express to the ‘doubters’ that this is test confirmed. Not that these people bother me in any way any more but I feel it helps present a far better case for sufferers in general when the public start to realise that there is often much more going on physically for long-term sufferers despite them being offered no help. It helps awareness and questions the validity of using CFS as such a broad umbrella term for every unexplained symptom under the sun.
The next step isn’t yet clear. The treatment plan could be complex. I need to determine why I don’t produce antibodies as a start. There is a chance that there is another additional Root Cause, for instance Lymes Disease, which could have precipitated the ParvoVirus and caused this abnormal lack of immune response?
There are tons of questions but all I feel is GRATITUDE that I have some real answers. Some clarity on a nightmare which I admit I feared at times would never end. Its seems that ‘our needle in a haystack’ hunt in the daunting world of bugs/virus’s/parasites has had a lucky break and we are one BIG step closer now hopefully.
Perhaps you need to also consider if your Chronic Illness has been caused by a Virus too?
2. A Disappointment:
Sadly my Ebook Designer has had to pull out. If you have been following my Ebook creation posts you will know how excited I am by this project. I know, however, that she feels bad and never wanted to let me down, but she has her own valid reasons which have made it inevitable. I want to wish her well, send her love, and thank her for her help so far and for her generous offer. I hope we can collaborate another time.
Of course I am disappointed for myself a little though. When I received her incredible offer to produce my book for FREE I was gobsmacked. I finally felt I was being rewarded by the Law of Attraction which so many people describe. I felt that this was my lucky break and I was immensely happy.
I also felt in synch with this lovely lady. We had a vision which we were both tremendously excited about and I felt that she was holding my hand and pushing me gently forwards with this project.
But, although I am sad it didn’t work out my emotions were not knocked too much when I checked in on them. I guess the previous health news set the scene for this. I believe things (in general) are going to work out for me (and that the universe gave me the greatest sign it could to confirm this with the positive test result.) Im a little less confident, but I believe that this project will work out still if I have faith.
I am holding tightly onto the incredible sign I had from the Universe and reminding myself that little things don’t matter. If I can find a way toward better Health then I trust the rest of Life will pan out.
Few things matters as much as good Health.
Suffice to say one of the best (initial) reasons for my excitement at working with this particular Designer was that she was not charging me. I think it is unlikely that such an opportunity will come my way again but in the spirit of Trust (and potentially pushing my luck) if there are any newbie Designers who want to work on a fun, inspiring, feminine project please do come my way.
This book will come alive. This is just another stage it its evolution.
3. A Confidence Boost:
My submission to The Wild Sister Magazine on ‘Happiness’ was accepted and will be published in October. Yay.
We all need a confidence boost now and then and I certainly did. I hope people like what I write but I do doubt myself at times. To have lovely feedback made me smile a lot.
And so there it is – my random 24 hours.
‘Life will always be full of up’s and down’s.’
‘Don’t sweat the small stuff.’
‘Good things do come to those who wait.’
‘Never give up.’
And my favourite – ‘Keep the Faith.’
I would love to hear from you as always – particularly if you know anyone in a similar Health position or think this could be an avenue for your own journey. I also need to learn as much as I can here.
Love Carly xxx