Fomo or to credit it with its full title is the Fear Of Missing Out.
A biggie which we all experience at some point and to some extent. However, for some people (myself included) FOMO isn’t an irrational, greedy dilemma. It is actually a truth. A reality presented to us (much too regularly) through our challenging situation. We don’t want it all. Not even close. We just want to be an itsy bitsy part of it all. To not miss out again please.
Is that too much to ask?
No Darling it isn’t.
But unfortunately we don’t always get what we want. Not right away anyway.
When you live within a body which often cannot commit to plans, cannot make dates and events, it means you live with constant uncertainly. It means that life can be bittersweet at times and you become known (and accepted) as unreliable. When FOMO is real you know it. Even though for the most part no blame is attached to you, you can still smell the frustration and the thinning patience which hovers in the air at times despite the friendly reassurances. You affect other people.
You want to be involved so much that you hope and pray this time you will make that dinner, that wedding, that coffee date. Pleasssseeee.
Sometimes it happens. Sometimes it doesn’t. Just the way the cookie crumbles.
On a high from the first secario. Gutted from the second.
Yes, Darling we all know life isn’t always fair.
What are you gonna do about it?
As with every situation you have 2 choices. Don’t you hate the voice of reason?
Quite simply you can act (and feel) out of Love or Fear?
For every decision and every choice. It really does break down to that.
The situation still sucks. Absolutely! Go ahead and have a rant and a cry if you need too. Of course you feel like you are missing out, because honey, you are missing out and that is the grim truth. Life with a chronic illness means you miss out a lot. I know how much you desire meeting up with the girls at dinner. The giggles and connection you would feel. To be a part of it all is taken for granted by many. But not you. You feel it every time they meet and you cannot join them. It hurts. Always.
There is nothing wrong with pain. Feel it. Let it dissolve.
Nothing wrong with embarrassment either for I myself feel ashamed of my longing at times. I fear reeking of desperation. I don’t want to be that person. Infact I am not. And you are not Darling.
When we actually Miss Out the emotions are real and it is cruel. Undeniable.
However, when enough time has passed and you are left spent from the tidal wave of all too familiar emotions, then recalibrate, take a breathe and choose some positive action -because otherwise it will eat you up. Because otherwise you’ll stop wanting to make plans ever.
The answer to almost everything seems to be to come home to yourself. Every time. Again and again. The only option.
To ground deeply.
To pause the buzzing anxiety and fearful jitters in their track in any which way you can.
Yoga, Meditation. Walking, Moving. Breathing.
Presence has a way of bringing us back to who we are. It reminds us why the girls invited us in the first place. How they will miss us and how they do sympathise. How they care because we are worth caring about. There is no need for desperation.
Choose Love Darling.
Breathe love into every pore and let it over-ride the negativity. Each time this happens I find it easier to do. I find the muscle is becoming stronger. It takes practice. It takes bloody hard work and commitment. Too choose to respond to injustice and unfairness with Love is not easy and it doesn’t mean you don’t feel the pain bitterly.
But you need to work with where you are. With what life throws at you. With the situation.
Love or Fear Darling?
Make a choice or it will drown you.
Once you begin to sink into presence and peace the love naturally flows. You genuinely wish the girls a fantastic evening and look forward to hearing all about it. Yes, it can be bittersweet but love chooses the sweetness. You know that when you can join them they will welcome you with open arms and genuine smiles.
Have fun girls. Know I want to be there. Sharing the clinks of glasses toasted, the stories swapped, the end of night hugs of farewell.
There is no competition. No struggle. You will wait. They will wait. If not a new opportunity will present itself.
No point mourning what cannot be changed.
And yes it still physically pulls and tugs at the heart strings when you see the photos and the morning status updates. Fear creeps back in….. Will you ever be there? Is time running out? Doubt arises – could you have made made it had you tried harder, rested more?
Once again there is frustration and discomfort and sadness swirling around your core. Another raw pain rising up and you cannot ignore its calling. But try to view pain as a messenger (as it always is) telling you that which you truly desire, and giving you a dream to aspire to. The more it hurts the more you actually and genuinely want it. Use it as a guide.
One day you will be a part of it.
Let the Fear evaporate again and relax into your body. Take a look at the photo once again and feel the love towards these gorgeous souls. Let their smiles warm you. Genuinely soak up the energy vibrating from the image.
See how different love feels than fear?
The next challenge is to actually look at what you can do now. What small steps you can make to feel like you are moving forward and cultivating connections. Perhaps reaching out with a text to one of the girls. Genuintely complimenting them on an achievement or a win or just a humble hello, how are ya? Act with authenticity. Look for ways to be kind and your friendships (however often you cancel dates and meet up) will be more powerful than you realise. You have the power to initiate a ripple effect by seeing the best in those you care about. In turn they will always see the beauty within you too.
You can become the lighthouse.
Maybe you are more integral to a group than you realise. More important than you know Darling. They may be more than happy to bring the event to your door, or give you a quick call. I doubt they will even flinch when you explain that a couple of hours is all you can manage. Sometimes we need to lose the fear of judgement and just be our real selves within the framework of our real and present situations. No it is not where (or who) we will be forever but for now we must own it and stand tall within in regardless. Ask for acceptance within that framework.
I know you will still have FOMO. I do too. Of course, everyone would. But know you are worthy regardless and that whilst blue-sky thinking and dreaming is fabulous, life must be started right now from where you are at – in however small a way possible. Dreams can sometimes crush you if you float too far away. Prioritse yourself and your journey until one day FOMO will be a thing of the past and life will be a decision that you make each day. How fabulous would that me? Remind me in 10 years to never take that feeling and ability for granted.
Above all be the girl you would have been had you been right there in the middle of that photo and that restaurant darling.
Be that girl because you already are her.