A massive question – what is the cause of Autoimmune Disease?
Before I begin let me set the record straight and say that I think Sarah Wilson rocks. She was probably the Blogger who inspired me to start my own Blog the most. A mutual link with Autoimmune Thyroid and a love of nutrition, her words inspire yet at times provoke a deep (unsettling) truth which demands reflection.
My kind of lady.
This is my personal blogger’s response to Sarah Wilson’s article on Autoimmune Disease and Self-Hatred -and the link. Have a read first and see what you think. It is provoking and raw and written from the soul of a warm-hearted Blogger who never set out to offend in my opinion.
…….What then ensued was a backlash of public debate and outcry from some (but not all) sources. Sarah took the time to respond with a further explanatory article in which I feel her dismay and exhaustion rising from the page at having to address THIS rather than the REAL STUFF.
If I am totally honest I saw her post and it stayed unread in my inbox. Not because I knew it wouldn’t be a good read, but because I didn’t want to have to face anything else. I was a little scared at what it would contain. You have to be in the right mood to be objective and to face internal reflection and analysis. Whilst it may have been the perfect moment for Sarah to pen her words it wasn’t the time for me to read them. I shy-ed away from the possibility and potential truth in a statement which invoked fear.
Delicate matters have the potential to cause destruction if delivered at an inapt moment. As a reader it is your choice to access your state of mind. You know this is going to be thought provoking. As a writer we may at times ask you to stand back and see if now is the right moment for you to open our email. If you feel anxious and vulnerable acknowledge that this may influence your judgement. I prefer to wait until I feel somewhat more neutral.
Sometimes the more we deny the more truth there is.
Although actually I have to state honestly that I personally didn’t resonate with the title and the link between Self-Hatred and Autoimmune Disease. This therefore did not trigger me. Yet I knew there would be more to it and that likely as I immersed myself further there would be resonance in parts. Certainly I admit and can relate to anxiety and unease within myself which is where I found similarity despite a rather severe sounding title which clearly shook many up.
A title is hard you know. It has to sum up everything in a few little words. Actually it cannot and it cannot work for everyone and I wonder if the terminology used just wasn’t quite aligned with some people – including myself?
But this is Sarah’s Blog, Her words. Her Alignment. I knew there would be truth unfurling and winding its way into my consciousness as I continued to read…… In fact it was faith in Sarah and her compassionate style which alerted me to the fact that some truth bombs were likely to hit me. Yet I also know I am equally evolved enough that nothing I read and relate to is far from my own reflections these days.
The old days of denial and anger were easier in some ways. The truth is not always pretty. But I have grown. A Lot. And most of the time I don’t fear this introspection now – so long as I do it when it feels right.
As a reader I have the upmost respect for Sarah. I trust her and that is the key. Having a connection to the source can change the way words are felt. Much like how we are impacted by body language and tone as much as what is spoken out loud, you need to take the time to know each other and build a friendship with a blogger. Then you will know the intention of the words written and the genuine place it comes from. And even if you disagree it won’t hurt so much. There is a danger in reading a media hyped post before you have courted one another. It will come across entirely differently.
As a reader we must remember that Sarah has never claimed to be a messiah and have all the answers. She is simply a writer sharing her own experiences, feelings and emotions. Sharing her life. She muses and ponders on topics which engage her and pull her. She immerses herself in a creative process for her own healing and shares her words with you hopefully in a safe environment, and in the knowledge that you (as a loyal reader) will also have your own mind/opinion and may either disagree or may clap along enthusiastically.
That’s your prerogative of course and it is welcomed.
And actually as a Blogger myself I know that often a post is penned in our most dire moments. For there seems to be a brighter creativity within the melancholy and the pain? The words seem to flow better and arrive sharper. Perhaps because we have abandoned focus for everything else but this task in hand?
No distraction just pure feeling.
I am also aware that this means that I myself may look back upon my words at a later date (and in a completely altered frame of mind) and wonder if it still rings true? For life (and growth) and conversation is all about exploration and reassessment isn’t it? Writing it down doesn’t make it gospel forever. We speak from the heart and then we ponder, and chat some, and some more, and perhaps our opinion changes slightly or perhaps not. The point is that absolutely it may swing back and forth.
I value my ability to know my own mind yet be open enough to consider other opinions.
There are more than 50 shades of grey in my world.
There is nothing worng with saying how YOU feel right now. Owning it in at that time and place. Being true today without worrying about tomorrow and certainly without worrying about the potential impact on every single person on the planet.
Of course, Bloggers do take the time to really think before they press publish. We are perhaps too sensitive not to – or is that an Autoimmune thing? Hehe…… We dont desire or enjoy backlash, and being intimate requires a vulnerability we are not always prepared for. Yet we remain true to ourselves and to you always. It is the only way I am sure you agree?
Authenticity and Vulnerability are what counts.
You may be surprised to learn that we speak to ourselves (perhaps more than anyone) when we write. We journal to get our thoughts in order. To process. To pinpoint a definitive and clear answer after procrastiing indefintely. In truth this is a lesson for ourselves.
As a long term sufferer of CFS and Autoimmune Thyroid I can certianly see how this topic caused such a storm. My own instant reaction towards Self-hatred being the cause of my Autoimmune Disease certainly provoked skin-crawling resistance and repulsion. I feel much the same when I hear CFS experts tell me that that I have not put enough effort in. It feels icky and wrong and so unjust.
And I tell you why it meets with such high charged intensive resistance – it is becasue these long term sick people are doing all they can. They are brave and strong and intelligent. They are frustrated yet they smile and embrace the good things in life constantly. To hear that in some way they are to blame (or to interpret it in this way) is devastating of course. And I totally relate.
But take a breath. Break it all down. Come at this from a different angle and check the facts and most importantly the intention.
I myself proudly state categorically that I believe that true health is a (perfect) blend of Mind, Body and Soul. It is what I stand for, and this is what Sarah is saying too. To recover/heal fully and experience bliss we must incorporate all 3 aspects, and therefore (crucially) all (or some) of the 3 aspects were very likely out of synch when we first got sick?
That is all.
Take the aspects which feel comfortable for you.
There is a perfect storm which must exist for a person to get sick. It comes from a combination of factors including genetics, diet, hormones and circumstance.
And that goes for EVERY illness. Let’s take the stigma away from CFS and Autoimmune Thyroid (or any hidden disease) and perhaps your initial response softens somewhat?
Perhaps in this context you feel slightly better and more at ease?
I take Sarah’s words as an invitation to get to know myself further. An encouragement to pursue all aspects of healing without any blame thrown upon myself. For perhaps it is this stigma (and blame) which caused the poker hot trigger. We are so used to fighting and fighting to force others to believe in our illness, and we will protect that forever more. If a morsel of doubt enters the world the whole judgement starts over…..We don’t want that again.
But honestly, in order to be at peace we have to let this go. We know the truth and we know how it is a delicate balance and combination of many factors at play that caused our sickness. We know how real this is and no-one ever ever said this was in ‘our head’. IT IS NOT and it is not our fault. There will always be cruel judgement towards illness and its bloody unfair.
I hear you.
For me Sarah’s words ring true in some parts and not in others. At least today anyway. I was not the girl who took notes on the front row in every class, but I was conscientious and I take everything to heart. Words stay with me in my head – like forever!…. I am super senstive and I see this similarlity in many AI/ CFS people too. I doubt we are all idential but I assume there are some common links. I will personally recognise links relating to my own character whilst Sarah of course sees links relating to hers.
The bottom line is that this article was written in Sarah’s space and in her own genuine words, and that is cool, and that is what makes the world of Blogging so interesting.
I would love you hear your thoughts on this? Be nice. xx
*UPDATE APRIL 2016 – I was inspired yet another by a piece of Sarah’s Art – Please check out my post MY AUTOIMMUNE DISEASE FUNKYNESS – INSPIRED BY SARAH WILSON THYROID GURE – HERE.