So here follows Excerpt 2 from starting to write a book. If you missed Part 1 you can find it here.
I was ushered into a quaint hotel room and took a seat by the window. It had a pretty floral country vibe with few places for the spirits to hide. Martha, my spiritualist reader was bubbly and chatty and her warmth instantly dampened my fears. Infact now that I was actually here I was quite excited to hear what she would say…..
With my hands gripped tightly together I was ready to hear my fate and fortune and see if my courage would hold out.
“As I begin to tune into your energy I get a real sense of ‘WRITING’ about you.” Martha began.
I feel there is a book… but more than that. A sense of various writing outlets.”
Okay funny, I wasn’t expecting that direction.
What I was actually craving were confident words of wisdom, health enhancing secrets and the key to finding my true love…. Yes, writing was (and always had been) on my agenda as some vague plan in the future, and yes I had certainly always dreamed of writing a book on my recovery story someday, but right there it was the last thing I had on my conscious mind.
I do scribble notes all of the time. I adore shiny new notebooks. A blank page inspires the life out of me but I had no real notion of getting started in any way. Infact I almost desired Life to have another direction mapped out for me. Something concrete and certain.
Ironically if someone described me as a writer today I would be bowled over and proud.
It has always been in me, but I’ve heard the calling now.
Maybe you are wondering if the reading influenced me and my actions in how my path has since unfolded?
I can honestly say it did not. I can genuinely, hand on heart, say that the reading was fabulous, but that it was forgotten and filed away afterwards. If I ever wondered at it, it was for entirely separate reasons than a pull or instruction to take my writing seriously.
The accuracy (of the reading) evolved with time and Today (2 years on) there is a sense of it all having been written and pre-told to an degree.
Fate or Free-will?
I say both. I say that you only full-fill Fate if you choose it freely yourself.
In hindsight, it was like the reading I would have expected right now. For now. And yes, looking back, although I ignored the suggestions, I was guided here too. Led my my own soul to a destiny I was already having signs toward – had I realised it.
It is only when we clean away the inner dust and fog that our eyes can see clearly into our soul’s calling.
My passion for writing wasn’t the only inspiring insight which occurred that day. There was something far far bigger, and again it wasn’t a sign I understood (or related to) at the time…
Now I understand it…..
“As we sit here now I feel your Nan (from your Mother’s side) has stepped forward to speak with you. She is polite and respectful but she is desperate to talk……”
The description she then went on to give me was my Nan to a tea. For a questioner type I had no doubt that my Nan was with us. She reminded me that her calling card (for me) is a flowery smell and I sweetly recalled the times (mostly when I am alone) that an overpowering and beautiful flower smell will hover around me, out of nowhere.
And so whereas I once would spend ages impossibly hunting down the flowery source, I now smile deeply and say a silent and happy hello…..
” I love working with your Nan. She is a joy to be around. She is always here by your side trying to encourage you. She has her hands firmly on your back darling.”
I grinned. No one could be around my nutty Nan without a fit of giggles. Ever. My memories are always uplifting and amusing and slightly crazy.
Like, laugh out loud amusing….. So many memories and most of them involving her annoying my Grandad. We visited them once on his birthday and Nan kept offering me his favourite chocolates (quite forcibly) until I was stuffed and could eat no more. I was also aware that although Grandad was smiling he really didn’t want all those birthday chocolates to go…. She knew she was irritating him but that he couldn’t say anything, and in the end she tipped all the contents in my handbag and told me to save them for later. hehehe. You had to know them to appreciate my Nan and Grandad but they could write a book of their own. And don’t worry Grandad got his own back every day too.
“Do you understand a link with America darling?”
“No” I responded confused.
“Nan keeps shouting out Connecticut. She is very insistent. I don’t feel that She is predicting your future here, but she wants to open your view to something quite important?”
Mmmm, I could think of nothing. Not then anyway.
Now – Oh my Goodness!
You know those rare moment when you physically understand and experience the true meaning of an over-used metaphor? When you realise that your jaw quite literally is infact hanging open?
That. Just. Happened.
In the reading this question this meant nothing to me. I couldn’t place it in any way. And I know my Nan would not have known the area of Connecticut – or even the word. Infact this part of the reading was the only bit that left doubt lingering somewhat as it made no sense.
Fast-forward and Today it potentially does….
Let me explain.
A few weeks ago the concept of Lyme Disease presented itself within my world in too many various forms to ignore any longer. For I had been denying the possibility out of fear and overwhelm for some time. Keeping ‘it’ at bay as a last resort option to consider if I had to.
It seems I had to for the universe started haphazardly throwing up clear signs from all angles.
For some bizarre reason I had decided to re-listen to my recording of Nan’s reading again.
I took it all in and pondered once again over the Connecticut issue. I then opened my phone and scrolled though Facebook.
I immediately saw this….
Had Nan been trying to direct my health research towards Lyme Disease all along?
It’s a funny thing but in the space of 20 minutes I had listened to the recording, opened the link and knew in my heart that I very likely have Lyme Disease and at the least need to go down this research/treatment plan. It cemented it for me.
I admit I felt a little sick.
Couldn’t you have been a little clearer 2 years ago Nan?
Yet, maybe now was the time for me to hear it? Back then perhaps I would have dismissed it, or not had any direction or clue where to go with it. Today I have a few friends (also misdiagnosed with CFS) who are going through the exact same experience.
Similarly, 2 years ago I had no notion of starting a blog. I probably didn’t even know what a blog was.
It appears that Destiny caught up with me in its own sweet time and way.
Nan even got in on the writing theme.
“Nan is trying to steer you in the direction of writing honey. She says it will open doors. You have your own mind but she thinks this is your path. She sees that beautiful aspect of you where you can share through the written word.”
You have a mission to help others and a great passion to help people in need. People like yourself. To share and educate and encourage those who doubted and judged to reassess their view. You need to report the truth.”
My vocation will come from this journey. I always knew that. It all made sense and gave me a sense of conviction that it would all unfold.
In conclusion I nervously asked if Nan had any health advice for me?
Her resonse was cautious. My heart sunk a little. I really desperately wanted someone to tell me I was getting better and that everything was going to be alright. Almost 2 decades is too long to be sick. Alas, however, as with many things, the truth is so much deeper and complex and courageous.
“Once you’ve got your foot in the door and followed your path that will lead you forward. When you open the door you will blossom and it will help at least lift the burden of the ongoing health issue.”
Okay Nan I hear you. Follow my purpose. Follow my heart, and a path will unfold. There won’t be a quick fix but I have a direction.
Today I feel wowed, inspired and comforted by the reading. If someone could ask me the 2 main things which are prevalent in my every day world and mind it would be Writing and Lyme Disease. Both have the potential to change my world in every way. I have embraced one and I hope I can tackle the other positively with time. For now I am grateful I have discovered a whole new health path (along side my recent Parvo B19 Virus discovery which you can read about here and here.) which makes sense of the last 20 years.
I am happy that Nan may have seen it all along. That maybe she knew it and she tried to give me a hint.
For now I realise she was telling me so much more than I ever even realised.
You have been shining a light for me all along Nan.
Has anything similar ever unfolded for you? Have you felt guided by a greater force? Please share – I would love to hear your stories?